Will it ever stop?

Here I am yet again fighting with myself over food, what I should and shouldn't be eating. After my birthday and long weekend I was at my highest weight ever 139 (138 was my previous highest when I was 21, at least I had an excuse then, parties and beer!). I had already planned on cleaning up my diet, but I was on the prowl for a "quick fix" since my reunion is now less than 1 month away. I came across the protein sparing modified fast. Basically you come up with the amount of protein you need to be eating based on your lean body mass and multiplying that by a factor based on your activity level. You eat protein and some veggies and that's it. This is a crash diet and isn't meant to be healthy, Lyle McDonald who wrote the book I read, clearly states that in the intro. He also advises to exercise as little as possible since the calories are so low.

So, I have been doing this for 3 days now. This morning I was down to 137.5. All water weight I am sure. It has been okay, but I am not sure how much I agree with the whole low carb thing or the little to no exercise. I have been arguing with myself about whether or not I should just eat a little more so I can get in some good workouts or just stick it out (9 more days) since I can never stick to anything. What to do...what to do...

After some hindsight about my yearly cycles of gaining and losing weight (about 5-15 lbs.) I have noticed a pattern. The weight always came off when I wasn't trying to lose it! For instance last summer I was carrying around about 7 extra pounds that I picked up during tax season. All summer I worried about it, tried dieting, all of that jazz, with no success in losing it. Around September I finally decided to stop worrying about it and made exercise a daily habit again. By late November the weight was gone. Maybe weight loss is more of a mental game for me or something. I know that it would be a huge relief to stop worrying about it. That would free up a lot of time for me! Why should I worry about the next best diet plan when I already have a pretty good idea what has worked for me in the past? If I knew that answer I wouldn't be here right now! Is is really that simple to just keep up my workouts and eat what I want in moderation? I think it can be if I would just let it!

I think that the worrying has made me gain even more weight...I weighed 132 at the end of March!!! I am proud of myself this week though. I hopefully have broken my nightly ritual of sweet eating, which I believe led to the skinny me's demise in the first place. I have a good solid base under this fat thanks to my kettlebell workouts, so I think my muscle can burn off some of this fat if I would just put down the brownies and give it a chance. I have been looking at my food journal and each night for months I have been eating ice cream, cookies, brownies, candy, cereal, something sweet and carby. I am really glad that I started keeping a journal back in Feb. because at least I know why I have gained weight!

Bottom line: I am still a little worried about my high school reunion, but to be honest, those people haven't seen me in 10 years, and I really don't look any different than I did back then. So they aren't going to know that I am 10 lbs. heavier than I was 6 months ago!!! I have a killer dress to wear, along with some gorgeous heels, that accentuates my nice shoulders and arms and covers the cellulite on the back of my thighs (it is sooo gross, I usually have a little, but this much sucks!). There is so much truth to the statement that we are our own worst critics!! So self...get off my back and quite worrying about it!! You may be pleasantly surprised what it does to your state of mind and your figure.

Yucky Monday

Ugh, I really don't like Mondays. I had an enjoyable weekend, but they never seem to be long enough anymore. My boyfriend's dad and a friend were here visiting. I was able to get in 2 good kettlebell workouts. I did a swing workout on Saturday while watching Sex and the City. I am getting caught up (thanks to Netflix) getting ready for the movie that is coming out on the 28th. I am sooo excited! Then I got in a clean, press and snatch workout yesterday. I am really sore today. I haven't snatched that much before (3 minutes sets x 10), so I bet that is why. I wanted to quit halfway thru, but I pushed on and finished all 10 sets. I was listening to Ori Hofmekler's Warrior Within broadcast on the VoiceAmericaHealth website. I just discovered his program which is on Wed. mornings at 10 am MST, so I am catching up on the archived programs. They are very interesting. I can tell that I am developing some nice muscle. It is easier to see it in my upper body where I have less fat.

I did the Warrior style well this weekend, but I did have dessert so I am not weighing any less. I really need to get my head wrapped around cutting out sweets. They are really killing my choices for my summer wardrobe. And I don't want to be this person that complains about weighing more but does nothing about it. I cannot continue to do the same things over and over and expect a different result!

Food so far today:

Coffee w/ 2% milk
1 cup cantaloupe

Planned for the rest of the day:

Yogurt smoothie w/ strawberries and flax seed for lunch
Apple w/ peanut butter this afternoon if hungry
Dinner:
Leftover spinach, corn and black bean salad w/ homemade avocado dressing and hard boiled egg
Homemade yellow split pea, veggie and spinach soup

The week is the detox stage of the Warrior Fat Loss Diet, which means no animal protein other than dairy and eggs. I don't plan on working out today other than maybe taking the dog for a walk depending on the weather this evening.

I have Friday off this week (it's my birthday), so at least it's a short work week!

Exercise ADD

Okay, so I lied...I am going to be reading yet another diet book, but I think it is a good thing. My brother is going to be buying me Maximum Muscle Minimum Fat, the follow-up book to the Warrior Diet, for my b-day next week. Apparently it offers a scientific explanation to the Warrior way of eating. I figured it might help me focus. That is another one of my problems...I was going to add the Slim Series dvds to my workouts along with the kettlebells, but I decided against it. I need to stick to one thing for a while and see how it works. So it's gonna be me and the kettlebell every morning 6 days a week for the next month at least!

I am going to give the Warrior way of eating (see-no more diets around here!!) a try for a week. I am obsessed with food lately, and I need to get back to eating for fuel not pleasure. Pleasure has been packing on the pounds! Food really is my Frenemy at this point in my life, hence the name of this blog. I know that I need it for nourishment and what to eat in order to get it, but I have been drawn to the "dark side" of food and am eating the wrong stuff at the wrong times. Late night sweet binges only nourish the cellulite on my butt and legs!! Ick!!

Back to work...I'll post my workouts later.

I love rain!

It is finally raining here in dry windy New Mexico. I swear that the wind has been blowing constantly since Christmas. It is sooo nice to have a break from it! I would much rather be home on the couch reading a good book than working on yet another tax return munching on smarties. Candy and food are my only escapes (and the Internet) from my boredom here at work. More on that at a later date.

I have been dieting, more like trying to diet, in some way since February. This year I gave up drinking so much and traded it in for eating more sweets. Not necessarily a good trade, but at least I remember everything and haven't had a hangover since last year. That is a huge accomplishment for me since I have been drinking pretty heavily for most of my twenties. If I was up a few pounds I could always blame it on the beer, but now I have to blame it on my love for baking and ice cream. I am really starting to buy into the whole sugar addiction thing b/c I am having a very hard time breaking up with my beloved sugar!!

I also came to the revelation that since I have been trying to diet, I have put on 4-6 more pounds depending on the day in the last 3 months. I was already trying to get off about 5 pounds so now I am dealing with about 10. Ugh!!!! So much for looking sleek at my reunion this summer...

Last summer when I was dealing with my post tax season/beer bulge, I resolved to stop worrying about it. It actually worked and by November I was back in my old jeans. I know how to eat healthy, and I did it most of the time, but I didn't worry about eating dessert or pizza every now and then. This makes me wonder how lean I could get if I really buckled down and ate healthy all of the time. But I can't get ahead of myself...I need to get back to where I was before I try to better that!

So...no more diets, not more buying diet books, I have bought at least 3 in the past 2 months. They aren't telling me anything that I don't already know, they basically just confuse me about how often to eat and how much! Trying to diet for me is self-sabotage...I know, it's supposed to be a lifestyle change anyways. But I don't have a weight problem, I never have. My 4's just aren't fitting as well as they used to. I should stop whining really, I know that I have it pretty good.

I don't have a plan of attack other than starting my Slim Series tapes tomorrow in addition to doing my kettlebells every other day. I like working out and plus I can eat more the more I do it! I just keep thinking back to my junior year in college when I lost about 15 pounds. I was having a latte or oatmeal for breakfast and half of a fast food meal for lunch. That's about it and I wasn't working out. Was it healthy? No, but it worked! I am thinking that maybe I do better not eating at night. Right now that is my problem, night after night I binge on ice cream, cheerios, whatever is carby and sweet in the house (there isn't much fortunately). I am going to contemplate my own version of the warrior diet. Maybe my undereating would serve me best if it was done in the afternoon and evening.

My food has been bad:

Add onto Monday:
Cheerios (about 5 cups maybe)
Chocolate Chips
Jr. Mints
homemade peanut butter chocolate bars

Yesterday:
Coffee w/ 2% milk
Blackberries
Spinach w/ homemade yogurt dressing
Date and prunes with 1.5 tbsp. peanut butter
Saltine crackers
Clif Builder Bar
Soup
Waffle w/jam
Candy corn (it was stale, yuck!)
ice cream
cheerios

What a nightmare!

It's about time...

I've been reading blogs for some time now, and I have decided that it's time for me to start my own. It's the perfect way to keep track of my workouts and food and to get feedback. I am currently trying to lose the 5-10 lbs that I put on during tax season. I fight with these pounds every spring, get them off by the end of the year and start all over again. I would love to end the cycle for good! Plus my 10 year reunion is in 5.5 weeks...I know I know, it's a little late now. I was telling myself back in Feb. that I would be kicking myself in the ass right around this time. Apparently I was right. Maybe Tom Venuto was onto something when he was talking about goal setting and positive thinking?!

Anyways, I have taken up kettlebells, and I am loving them! I am a recovering beachbody program junkie...hello my name is Tori and I'm a beachbodyaholic...I pretty much have all of Tony, Debbie and Chalene's programs. They are all great, but I alas, have not been able to stick to any of them religiously. I think I have exercise ADD. I have been hearing the praises of kettlebells and have vowed to give them a chance. So here it goes:

Workout

Set 1 - 20 swings right, 20 swings left, 20 transfers

Set 2 - 1o swings right, 10 swings left, 100 swing, transfer

Set 3 - 20 high pulls, transfer, 50 2 hand swings

Set 4 - 1 clean and press, trasfer, 10 times

Set 5 - 10 clean and press, transfer to other side, 50 2 hand swings

Set 6 - 5 bottoms up cleans right, transfer, 5 left, 5 right, 5 left

Set 7 - 1 bu clean right, transfer, 1 bu clean left, 10 each side

I didn't write it down, so this is from memory. I made a mental note to write it down as I go next time.

As far as food goes, I am trying to follow the Warrior Diet. I unknowingly have done forms of it in college and it worked great, but the overeating was done at lunch time and the food was usually unhealthy. We'll see how the healthier overeating at night works.

Food for today:

Coffee w/ 2% (I drink skim, but I thought that extra fat might keep me fuller)
Blackberries
Spinach and corn w/ homemade sour cream dressing
High Protein Slimfast - Not the best, but I only have 3 left to get rid of
1/2 mango, 4 prunes w/ 1 tbsp. peanut butter (Tracy Reifkind got me hooked on this!)
4 saltines, 1 lifesaver mint, 1 coffee nip
Homemade kidney bean, cabbage and chicken soup w/ parmesan cheese
1/2 c. honey nut cheerios

Not the ideal day, but it's a start. I wasn't hungry at all this morning, but I get the munchies in the afternoon big time. It's a work in progress...enough for now.